


an ode to my depressive episodes.

by willowcat33



Series: ♪ my name is tea, I am a poet ♪ [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Emotional Vent, Feels, Gen, Loneliness, Mind the Tags, Poetry, Sad, anxiety mention, depressive episodes, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 18:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20710865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willowcat33/pseuds/willowcat33
Summary: a poem, about loneliness and music boxes.





	an ode to my depressive episodes.

school is back in session

so my devilish anxiety has pushed

the angel of recovery off of my shoulder

to make space for the second devil

depressive episodes

to sit on me and weigh me down.

and my heart is a

clockwork music box

the metal orange and brown speckles from rust

rusted from underuse and overuse

works tirelessly for love

and yet every time

_ every time _

someone tries to return the love

it freezes up.

friends keep the key turning, winding up my melodies

let love flow in and out

stopping the freeze

harmonising with me.

but timezones and schedules

make a mockery of my music box

and a silent shell of my soul.

i try and ration the turns

slow the key

let the happy last til their returns

but the funeral march of my heart

marches on

relentless.

because for a person

with so many friends

im sure as hell lonely.

and i tell myself to suck it up

tea, for once in your  _ life, _

stop placing all of your eggs

in other peoples baskets

dont value their opinions over your own

no-one can hold your own hand better than you can

even on the days that depression nips at my ankles

like the hellhound it is

i know i should i love myself most

and yet

the dog is demanding

and i dont have time when i have energy

and when i have time i dont have energy

so i called this an ode,

but i should’ve called it a “fuck you”.

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy-  
i promise im okay! just a lot of feels so i thought id write this whilst i procrastinated dbsts  
:D please leave a comment and a kudos!  
<3<3<3


End file.
